I'm a Boob
I Have A Problem.

I am here to admit to you, my readers, and to the entire world, but mostly to myself.  I have a problem. 
I am an "_aholic".

Maybe not in the way you envision "_aholics".  I am not addicted to alcohol (a few martinis each night never hurt anyone), so I am not an alcoholic.  I am not hooked on any drugs (unless gout pills, Lipitor, and back spasm pills count).  I am not addicted to smut,  although I do have a fair amount of old Playboys lying around.  (I know they are old because the girls in them actually have pubic hair).

Yes, I have a serious problem.  I am a bosom-aholic. 

I have told myself I need to go "AA", or "BB", or double "CC", or just plain "A" cup.  I mean, oh hell, here I go again.  I can't contain myself. 

There was a movie a few years back about a boy whose secret was "I see dead people".  I am like that.  I see bosoms.  It matters not what they look like.  They are all beautiful.  Big, small, firm, not so firm, wide, narrow, up, down.  I just think they are all beautiful. 

I have tried to rid myself of this problem, but to no avail. I find myself saying the damnedest things to women.

Instead of saying something like, "You certainly are energetic today”, I say, "Aren't we perky today!”  Or, when someone says, "It is so cold outside today", I respond, "It's colder than a witch's titty".  It's horrible.  I don't know what to do. 

I guess there could be worse addictions.  Fortunately, my wife is helping me with my addiction.  I will keep you abreast of that later.  I will close with what has become my favorite new limerick.

There was a young girl who begat,
three babies named Nat, Tat and Pat.
It was fun in the breeding,
but hell in the feeding;
she found there was no tit for Tat.

About the Author:
Eddy's previously mentioned movie-themed bar may also be busting out "Mother, Jugs, and Speed" and  "Twin Peaks".
Eddy's Edict...
Bosom Girl